Wednesday, August 27, 2008

~In the world, but NOT of the world~

I open this blog with PRAISE GOD..and THANK GOD! I am so thankful to my Father for ALL that He does. I have been struggling with some things lately. I have been a Chrisitan since I was a very small girl...saved in a very small country church that my Paw-Paw started many years ago. I will be really honest and transparent when I write this. I knew right from wrong, I knew I didn't want to go to the Hell that our preacher at the time, Bro. Erby, preached about. I knew that the way to get saved and prevent that was to ask God into my heart. Being a Baptist, a lot of people have the feeling that we believe "once saved, always saved". Well, that is pretty much what I got out of everything I had been taught. I knew that after I got saved, and was baptized, and everyone went through the line shaking my hand and hugging my neck telling me how proud they were of me, while music was being sung, that I was to live for God. I saw people testify, and even had my chance by standing up dearing a "testimony" service and saying "I love the Lord" really quick and sitting down. I thought I had done a good thing, b/c that was what everyonelse was doing. Many, many years went by and I spent the majority of my childhood and teenage years in that church. I am not in ANY way going to knock that church or degrade it in anyway...that is not the purpose of this blog....I learned many things in that church..all of the great commandments, all of the scriptures, the typical VBS pledges and songs..and saw many people give their hearts and lifes to Christ! Praise God for that church! Throughout my high school years, I will be the first to tell you that I did some things, said things, participated in things and well, am just ashamed of alot I did. I never went to jail, did anything totally illegal, or hurt myself or anyonelse (well, physically). I did try to be cool..I remember several times I would spend the night at a friend's house and several would be partaking of alcohol (there's the not TOTALLY illegal part)..we were underage..and I would have a wine cooler in my hand most of the night. I never got drunk off of one..now, I sometimes would act drunk to fit in..or even pour half of it out, b/c I would be accused of "babysitting my drink". I would usually stay the night..and in the morning step over drunk individuals laying in the floor as I walked to the door b/c my mom and daddy were honking their horn for me, so we could go to church. I would get in the car, head to church and sit on the pew Sunday in and Sunday out, not always feeling guilty. I would always justify it in my head, b/c I was at least in church..I mean, hey half of the other friends were not even there. So I was doing something good...right? Every now and then, the guilt and grief would be so much I couldn't handle it, I would go to the alter and pray and ask God for forgiveness...no true repentance, b/c I would hang out and try to please the same people again (people that I know I will answer for one day..b/c I didn't live the life I should of in front of them..oh, if I could go back!). Now, one might say, WHERE WERE YOUR PARENTS?? That's where the "saying things I regret" came in. I would lie to them about anything to get to go or hang out with those friends. So, please know, they are reading this blog for the first time as you are, and are probably learning a lot of things they wish I was not writing about. I know that I was saved a long time ago, but it was not until really right before Brylee was born that I realized being a Christian doesn't just require me saying I am a Christian..it requires a lot more..it requires a lifestyle change..a lifestyle change where you are different..set apart...scattered. I really didn't learn that growing up(lack of programs to enhance Bible Study etc.), (my parents and family are no longer at that church..they left during my teenage years due to the church not accepting my relationship with Kenny and are at a fantastic church where they are growing...Brylee was dedicated at that church..totally loving and reminds me alot of Hillcrest, where we are now) My parents have always been good examples of true Christians..just at the time, it didn't seem cool to do that..even though I had a lot of respect for them...Since Daddy was the head deacon at our previous church, not seeing eye to eye with some folks would only create chaos, something God does not desire, so after much prayer, Dad felt it was time to move on. I, although knowing God would take care of us and that my Daddy wouldn't do anything without feeling totally led by God, thought things would never be the same..in fact used that as an excuse for not going to church as I grew older....here we are many years later, and Daddy is a deacon at their church..has taught SS, training union and AWANA..and so thankful God has placed them where they are. I am praising Him and loving Him for placing us at Hillcrest where we are constantly fed by a man of God who is obedient and preaches the Truth.....At church tonight, which I will get to in a minute, Bro. Billy referred to us as Paul did as strangers, set a part in the world, scattered...We are in this once born world as twice born Christians..in the world, but not OF the world! So many times have I heard that message..but lately, I haven't felt "in" in certain situations..and if you are not in a certain group, then you don't get included..or you are left out...I know it sounds totally high schoolish..but I think our sinful nature wants us to feel liked or included. But at the moment I think I don't fit in b/c I do not partake in many of the things others do, I also know that my God is there with me and that He takes care of us and gives us encouragement as He did tonight with the message...I want to be different..I want others to say, wow, something is different about her..a good kinda different. And you know when I think about "not being asked to do something", I pray that they know my answer would be no thanks, and that I don't do that...Kristen sang a song tonight.."Keep Me in Your Will"...which says..keep me in your will, so I won't get in your way..put me where you want me..if I should ask for things I want..just give me what I need...and when I complain from time to time..Lord, Forgive Me I pray...so Keep me in your will, so I won't be in your way..that song played as I went to sleep EVERY night while in my apt..at Athens State..it always comforted me and sang me to sleep. Tonight it brought back many memories..that let me know He has me where He wants me..He will give me what I need..and He will put me where He wants me (again, thanks Kristen for being obedient to the Lord and singing that song!). And with a friend like Jesus, how can I go wrong...I have come to realize that I was right..you are saved one time and only one time..but God calls us to be different and to live for Him all the time..and honor Him in ALL we do..KUDOS to Bro. Billy for preaching what the Lord laid on his heart tonight..I know it was what I needed to hear and to encourage me to try and live for Christ as best as I can!!!!I pray that you all have a fantastic rest of the week..Scottsboro..here we come!!! So unbelievably excited to see mom and dad..and others..seems like it has been forever! LOL

2 comments:

The Boatner Family said...

I just want you to know that was for me if you are wondering why you wrote that tonight! I am dealing with feeling left out but at the same time not wanting to be where they are! THANK YOU! I will say it again you are my ISI!

Brysmommy, Kenswifey said...

ISI..girl..WE ARE!!! Love ya!