Wednesday, July 30, 2008

~Mixed Emotions~

Well, my heart is in an awkard state at the moment. I am full of DIFFERENT emotions. I have a lot going on with school starting..moving to a new classroom (aka..trailer)..but mind you a BEAUTIFUL trailer...have a new special ed coworker (I think I am going to like..well, I already like..but will continue to like) children in school, my babies from last year...glad to be back in a routine..just not too excited that it is a school routine. My child is growing up, other people have either had their second child or are pregnant. Some with children younger than Brylee...tons in Scottsboro a few here. We had our plan of how we will wait (and still want to) and we have even discussed when the time might be..and well, it is just not right now. Some friends are trying to get pregnant and can't..and are longing for a child to love...what if I don't get pregnant when I WANT to..God has a plan..I know that...what if my pregnancy and labor are HORRIBLE..I mean I mentioned in one of my blogs that my pregnancy was very fact very FAIRY tale for most...what if it isn't the second time? Will Brylee like a baby brother/sister? How do you love more than one? (I know you do..but just having one right now..I can't imagine) When I say to Brylee, "Come sit in my lap, I want to hold Mommy's Baby"..and she replies..."I'm coming, but I AM NOT a BABY...I am a BIG GIRL"...she wears panties now..sleeps in HER bed (some of the night)...and is in fact growing up..whether I like it or not! She has NEVER cried going to daycare..but has had a few issues this summer...this morning she was staring down at her feet..and I could see her biting her lip..when I asked her what was wrong..she looked up with her eyes filled with tears..and said..I don't want to go..I want to go home! The mommy side wanted to turn the car around and take that sweet thing home...but then I know that on Monday..she will have to I can't give in (once she is there...she is fine and enjoys her day) then I was turning my head biting my lip. We had an awesome service Monday night..with Fred Luter rounding out our Mondays...and if you have never heard this man of must if he is ever close! The things he says and how he brings things is just awesome...He preached about how we WILL have afflictions and troubles..but our God is there to take care of us and to see us through them...he talked about when bad things is not necessarily because of anything someone did..which brought him to Job..who did nothing wrong..but lost everything. I loved that...b/c so many times...when things have happened to people, I have heard some people say, "Well, you know they weren't living right", "Well, it was bound to happen", I have even heard some say..."Well, as far as I am concerned..they just got what was coming to them"...This message was the answer I have to all of those statements if I ever hear them wrong of us to judge people...we are in NO position to be the judge...and as the old saying goes, "If you would take care of your own issues, you won't have time to take care of others!" :)

I do pray (and hope you will pray with me too) for that peace that God will reassure me that everything is okay..and my time will come WHEN the time is God's time!

So, this was a very random post, just what was on my mind tonight..oh yea..Brylee has her first gymnastics "MEET" in 2 weeks...I am so excited for her and so proud of how she is learning the steps and practicing! (Again, she is growing up)....Geez...Just A Moment in the Life of a Hill